iden-diddy crisis

today, as i wrote my thank you notes to friends and family for various things (including graduation), i realized that i am at a point in my life when i have absolutely no clue what i'm doing. much like puff daddy, p. diddy, diddy(?) i have no idea who i am or even if i prefer to go by "ally" or "allison". how dated is that reference?

this is related to fashion and not. nobody is living a life completely synchronized with their beliefs, but i have so many contradictions within the way i want to live my life. in a material sense, i want to live as sustainable a life as possible, and yet i can't deny that i get impulsive and buy overpriced things that were probably manufactured under less-than-ideal situations. who knew that even expensive dresses are made in china? the things i do buy, i'm not even sure i like. there are so many different styles i admire and i don't know which one i'd most like to integrate into my wardrobe.

in a broader sense, i have no idea where i want to be. i can't stand virginia, and yet i'd really like to intern at npr in DC (anyone else as obsessed as i am?) i'd also like to live in portland, but the competitive job market and weather make me wary. and i'd like to just be bold and move to california, but i'm terrified of making an awful mistake.

when i get moody and melancholic, there's nothing better than a good song to listen to on repeat. i know i haven't posted music in weeks, which means this blog is undergoing an identity crisis of its own. but finally! a break in the clouds, and a song! it's already all over the internet, but i like it a lot. cinematic, smug, and a little bit sad. i hope you enjoy it, too.

ratatat - shiller